Shark Eyes

Lately everyone around here's been calling me "shark eyes." I know it's supposed to be an insult, like my bug eyes are all cold and lifeless and creepy, but I like it. Sharks are cool. For once in my life, I have a nickname I like. Sometimes, things really do work out. Who would have guessed?

ANNUAL SPRING TRIBUTE TO GETTING OUT

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**This blog is for entertainment purposes only. Professional stunt dogs were used. Do not try this at home. Actually "getting out" can result in incarceration, injury, death, or loss of treats. Poppy Bainzer is not legally liable for the consequences of getting out.

For my good pals back East

Heard it's been raining like crazy!! Don't worry, dogs can swim pretty good. They don't even have to take lessons or anything. They can just jump right in and swim real good. They're pretty good at it too. Shake off real good when you come in from a walk (or swim), and you should be fine. I'm a meerkat, and I'm Poppy's guest blogger, because she's too lazy to get off her mope spot today. She says it's always raining in her soul, so she doesn't feel sorry for anyone. Poppy keeps saying, "That's my world, welcome to it." I don't even know what that means.

Newest joke around here

Well, the newest joke around here is lame, as per usual. Everyone's saying I remind them of some raccoon on some lame eyeglasses commercial. That doesn't look at all like me, and I don't walk like that. But whatever. Have a good laugh at my expense. I hope it's the cherry on the cake of your day. Hardy-Har-Har.

Moping on the Road

Can't a dog mope in peace? Geez.

News Flash

Here's a NewsFlash for ya.

I'm not happy. Just so you know.

Happy Shiny People Bug Me

Hmmm, does happy and dumb here remind you of anyone you know?
I won't mention any names, but it rhymes with "Ribby Bawkenson"

Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness;
though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."

I don't like happy shiny people. They bug me. When I see them on walks, I want to bite them, but I'm afraid I'll catch something. Like stupidity.

Happy people just don't live in the real world. They're just plain delusional, and it bugs me. I know a guy who knows this guy who's got a cousin named Fred, and Fred's girlfriend's babysitter is dating this guy who is an editor for APA, and he says he has it on good authority that "Pathological Happiness" will be in the upcoming DSM-V. Good. The jig is up; happy people are nuts.

Once we get all of those pathological vacuous happiness freaks medicated, then we can get down to business. I like getting down to business, but that doesn't mean it makes me happy. I just like it, ok?

Yeah, that's more like it.